Welcome to my Blog!

Thank you for coming here to read what I have to say. I hope that out of everything I write that each and every one of you takes something away from here and applies in your life. Remember one thing, God loves you and there is nothing YOU can do about it!

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Fall down seven times, get up eight

Hey Everybody,

    I first off want to start by saying I have disappeared for a while and it wasn't because I forgot about you guys. I had to take sometime to change some things in my life and come back stronger, wiser and smarter. I am going to bare my soul in this blog but I will not mention names, only because drama is not the meaning of this blog, honesty is. Everybody should have a way to express their feelings without being reprimanded for it and this is my place for freedom.

I was living in Southern Ontario for 3 years and while living there I went to school, met great people who I still love and learnt life lessons as well. I do not consider my time there or all the things that happened there a failure, but more so a time of growth. I became part of a family where I learnt a lot of things, grew up a lot and made memories that will be in my heart forever. I will never forget the crazy things we got into and the times we stayed up all night laughing over the stupidest things. I will never forget or stop loving all of the kids that were involved who made me laugh when I was sad; also the times we did crazy games and acting games in the living room and the times we laughed together when it was supposed to be bed time. The children were the main reason I grew up so much and I learnt so many things that will help me when I start a family of my own. 

Due to a bad decision on my part, that I haven't and will never forgive myself for, we were forced to part ways.  To think that yet again a choice I made ruined another great thing for me really destroys me inside and in my head I was beating myself over and over and over again. I thought of many different things I could of done or if I would have done this or said that then this wouldn't have happened. I ended up in the YWCA, which is the Young Womens Christian Association shelter for women. I hit another huge low in my life, said some very rude things that I didn't mean and acted out on levels that I haven't since high school. I don't see any of that a failure but instead I view it as another life lesson. Thats when I was searching the internet one day trying to find something that would get me out of my funk and I saw that saying, "Fall down seven times, get up eight" (from an unknown author) and it made me see that maybe the situation wasn't handled in the right way by both parties but it is how it is and if I don't stand up and keep fighting, then I am a quitter/ I am no quitter, I am a fighter!

I tried to make things work on my own but nothing seemed to work out the way I planned it and I decided to pick up my stuff and leave. I moved back home with my mother and my sister in Sault Ste Marie, Ontario. I do want to take time now to apologize to anybody who I didn't tell that to, it was not personal at all, it was a rushed decision that I had to make.

I do want to take time to just say how much I love my boyfriend, Kyndell. He stood by my side while I fell and loved me through it all. He held my hand when I cried and always finds ways to make me smile and keep fighting. I just want to say that no matter what anybody says about you baby, it doesn't matter because I know who you really are and everything else is just lies. I also want to post it here (even though they already know) I love you Mom :) and I love you Sis! My family may be small but it is strong and it is all I need to stay strong as I repair myself.

I am going to list 10 main points that I can take out of this.

1. Never, EVER give up
2. Don't ever look at things and punish yourself. Look at things and Grow yourself.
3. Never be a pushover it gets you nowhere.
4. Follow your dreams and when you finish those, dream more!
5. Nothing is to big for God.
6. Do not believe what anybody says about someone, sit down and talk to the person yourself.
7. Remember when you point your finger there is four pointing back.
8. Smile, even when you aren't smiling inside.
9. Don't waste a minute not being happy. If one window closes, run to the next window - or break down a     door.
10. Love the ones who love you, never push them away because you are afraid.

I hope in that everything that is written here, somebody will take something out of this.

Fight till the end and do not punish yourself, what's done is done! I love you guys xoxo

Friday, April 29, 2011

Beautiful People

I have been thinking a lot lately about life and people. Sometimes its easy to feel like you aren't worth it, and sometimes its easy to just push yourself aside. "The grass is always greener on the other side," is a saying that I have never agreed with. In life sometimes things can become very stressful which makes it easier to look at other people and see what they have. People will always have something that you want, but not always what you need.

When you think about what you need, what do you think of? Money, a nice house, a supportive family, a car, clothes, food...etc. Some of those things you do need but how you place them in your life is what matters. If your happiness depends on how much money you have then you will always lack, you will always need it. Its better to look at money as a means to use and help. That way when you don't have it, your mood, life and happiness isn't affected as much.

People in this world are beautiful, they all have something great to offer to this world. I can always find the good things in everyone. That is what I love to do. People judge based on what a person has done, but a persons past does not define who they are. God loves every person, no matter what they have done and no matter what they have done.

I just felt like writing this post to say that you are not defined by what you have, what you don't have, what you've done or what you will do. You are defined as beautiful people who are loved by God. Smile and enjoy this life God has given you!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Isaiah 61:1-3: You are perfect and protected according to God

So I haven't been posting blogs for about three weeks, NOT because I don't love you guys, but more so me just trying to make this next blog the best it could be.

Now I have been reading a book for women called Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul, in this case though this part of the book can be taken and used for both sexes, hooray equality lol!

Now this Chapter of the book is called, "Healing the Wound" and I found a lot of things in this chapter really spoke to me on a different level. The chapter started out with a story about a Hummingbird who was stuck in a garage, and could not find it's little way out. Windows and walls became more and more of a threat because the little bird became panicked. Not until Stasi, who is the novelist of this book, was able to go out and free it from it's hell.

That right there gave me a picture of how humans without the Love of God are just like that Hummingbird flying all over the place, lost, confused and hitting every wall, door or glass window there is with no hope of ever getting out. That is until God comes in just like Stasi did and grabs us out of that jail and sets us free, free from our self effort, free from us trying to find our way out and free to live our lives knowing that someone has our back.

Now back to the chapter, after that story was brought up Stasi decided to throw in a bible verse that seems to speak the same observation. Isaiah 61:1-3..which states:

1. The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me, Because the Lord has anointed Me To preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives, And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
2.To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, And the day of vengeance of our God, To comfort all who mourn,
3.To console those who mourn in Zion, To give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness, The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.

Not only does that already scream out the same message, Stasi decides to take it one step further and re-word the scripture to make it more familiar and this right here is what made me stop and literally say, "wow".

God has sent me on a mission, I have some great news for you.
God has sent me to restore and release something.
And that something, is you.
I am here to give back your heart and set you free.
I am furious at the Enemy who did this to you, and I have fought against him.
Let me comfort you.
For, dear one I will bestow beauty upon you,
where you have known only devastation.
Joy, in the place of your deep sorrow.
And I will robe your heart in thankful praise,
in exchange for your resignation and despair.

In that one re-worded paragraph my life has changed. I realize now that I am forgiven, I am loved and I am provided for. I was so wrapped up in the earths definition for those things that I forgot about God's.

I don't look like Barbie and I never will, I won't be a rich as Paris Hilton but at least I am doing something productive with my life, LOL.. sorry I had to. I am not blond and blue eyed, meaning I am not perfect.

The point is according to the earth that right above this is how I am perceived, but by God I am perceived as Perfect, Rich, Whole, Blessed, Beautiful, Loved and Provided for.

Now because if that I have the confidence to walk out of my door tomorrow, knowing that I am not second best, knowing that if I want something bad enough I'll try, knowing I have security, knowing that if someone decides they hate me I still have the One that matters the most...etc

I love you guys so much and I hope this really speaks to your hearts as it did mine :)

Friday, October 22, 2010

Where My limit reaches the end, God's is just beginning.

I have promised that I would blog about the things that have bothered me over the past few weeks, to the point of me reaching the place where I need God to run everything.

During my two years of bible college I learned many of life changing and knowledgable things, one of the many things I've learned is that, "Works (trying to do things by yourself) bring you to the end of yourself, where you realize that God needs to takeover."

Now you must think, "Wow, haven't you already applied that knowledge to your own life?" The answer to that is yes I have in many areas of my life, there are just a few areas for some reason, that haven't learned or grown in that idea yet. It could also be my stubborness affecting the outcome. Either way I have been going through a huge change when it comes to my life this past few weeks and I have learned where some things need to change to where I don't rely on myself to change the issues but God.

People have noticed that I have been a bit down, upset, stressed, closed in and maybe even a bit cranky. I DO APPOLOGIZE if I was cranky to any of you (don't think I was) because it was definatley nothing you guys did.

One of the many things going on is that I have no Job, I have had no job since April and the first few months I was cool with it, but now it is getting to be a real pain. It is hard for me to wake up everyday and wonder how I am going to pay for everything I need to pay for. Now I do watch four children when they are at their mothers house, every two weeks and yes I do get paid for that, not at all the amount I need, but it does help substantially! I just need to find a full time job during the day mon-fri (would be perfect) to add onto my day. That way I will be able to pay for the things I need to pay for.

The second stresser that I have is that I don't have a car. I am able to use Donna's car on occasion which in itself is awesome! I just need to have freedom. It is different for me because I live in Niagara-On-The-Lake and there is no city bus and all my friends and all my meetings and things I am involved in is in St Catharines and there is no way to get there. I don't have a bike and walking would take a min of 2 hours to walk there. I just need to get a car even if it is cheap as long as it is reliable. If you know of anybody who is selling a car for cheap please let me know!

The other thing is, I feel like I am "wasting" every day because I haven't even found the thing that I wan't to go to school for or what I want to do. Every occupation out there has perks yes, but it doesn't have that "thing". If my heart can't be invested in something fully then I wont do it because I want to be where God wants me to be.

There are other stressers that are affecting my thought life and that is what God has addressed to me. I need to control my thought life and control what/how I think. That is why a couple of days ago I finally gae up control and gave it to God, I have let Him take control and provide those things for me. He knows the desires of my heart and He knows what I need so He WILL provide those things for me. Amen

I, just as I am sure every one of you have done, have fallen into trying to make things happen and I realize that has brought me nowhere, so that has been another look into my life

Thanks to all my friends for being there and accepting me for my flaws and still loving me!!

In the end it is so much more peaceful when God is in control!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

30 Day Challenge: Day 3,7,8,9,10 and 11!!

30 Day Challenge: K wow I have missed 6 days of this challenge due to going from one place to another watching children and running, so now I will catch up on those six days. Sorry!!!!!!
Day #11: A picture of something I hate!
                                                            Marshmallows are YUCKY!

Day #7: A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you.

                                     Music has always impacted me for the better no matter what!

Day #3: A Picture of you and your friends!
Me, Kristen, Natalie and Donna!

Day #8 :A picture that makes you laugh.

                                                           I just find it really funny :)

Day #9: Something you're proud of in the past few days.
    I am proud of getting Natalie's van fixed and how seeing how bad the tires were and how all the mechanics were surprised that we drove on the QEW without dying. That screams GOD all over it, and how he held that tire long enough for us to go get it fixed!!! I am proud that we listened to God and got it fixed! :) Yay for God and wisdom.

Day #10: Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad.
Happy: Only Girl (In the world) - Rihanna
Sad: You are loved- Josh Groban
Bored: Anything from Underoath, Skillet, AC/DC and others
Hyped: Anything by Drake, HE IS WE, Jason Derulo, Ne-Yo
Mad: Josh Groban to calm me down.. lol

Thursday, October 14, 2010

30 Day Challenge - Day 5+6: A picture of somewhere you've been to. and Favorite super hero and why.

#5: A Picture of somewhere I have been:
Kiev, Ukraine. I have been there on a missions trip in 2008 for a youth group that I was a part of. Changed my life for the better..

#6: Favorite super hero and why.
Hmmm... well on wikipedia it says that Optimus Prime is considered a super hero, so HE is my favourite cause I don't like any if the famous ones.. And my favourite villan is the Joker ONLY when played by Heath Ledger

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

30 Day Challenge - Day 4: I habit that you wish you didn't have.

30 Day Challenge - because I am not at home till saturday I am unable to get a picture from my laptop of friends and me, so I will switch with day # 4 and tomorrow I will do 5 and so on and on saturaday I will do day 3!

The habit that I wish I didn't have would be, biting my nails..... yah it sucks