I first off want to start by saying I have disappeared for a while and it wasn't because I forgot about you guys. I had to take sometime to change some things in my life and come back stronger, wiser and smarter. I am going to bare my soul in this blog but I will not mention names, only because drama is not the meaning of this blog, honesty is. Everybody should have a way to express their feelings without being reprimanded for it and this is my place for freedom.
I was living in Southern Ontario for 3 years and while living there I went to school, met great people who I still love and learnt life lessons as well. I do not consider my time there or all the things that happened there a failure, but more so a time of growth. I became part of a family where I learnt a lot of things, grew up a lot and made memories that will be in my heart forever. I will never forget the crazy things we got into and the times we stayed up all night laughing over the stupidest things. I will never forget or stop loving all of the kids that were involved who made me laugh when I was sad; also the times we did crazy games and acting games in the living room and the times we laughed together when it was supposed to be bed time. The children were the main reason I grew up so much and I learnt so many things that will help me when I start a family of my own.
Due to a bad decision on my part, that I haven't and will never forgive myself for, we were forced to part ways. To think that yet again a choice I made ruined another great thing for me really destroys me inside and in my head I was beating myself over and over and over again. I thought of many different things I could of done or if I would have done this or said that then this wouldn't have happened. I ended up in the YWCA, which is the Young Womens Christian Association shelter for women. I hit another huge low in my life, said some very rude things that I didn't mean and acted out on levels that I haven't since high school. I don't see any of that a failure but instead I view it as another life lesson. Thats when I was searching the internet one day trying to find something that would get me out of my funk and I saw that saying, "Fall down seven times, get up eight" (from an unknown author) and it made me see that maybe the situation wasn't handled in the right way by both parties but it is how it is and if I don't stand up and keep fighting, then I am a quitter/ I am no quitter, I am a fighter!
I tried to make things work on my own but nothing seemed to work out the way I planned it and I decided to pick up my stuff and leave. I moved back home with my mother and my sister in Sault Ste Marie, Ontario. I do want to take time now to apologize to anybody who I didn't tell that to, it was not personal at all, it was a rushed decision that I had to make.
I do want to take time to just say how much I love my boyfriend, Kyndell. He stood by my side while I fell and loved me through it all. He held my hand when I cried and always finds ways to make me smile and keep fighting. I just want to say that no matter what anybody says about you baby, it doesn't matter because I know who you really are and everything else is just lies. I also want to post it here (even though they already know) I love you Mom :) and I love you Sis! My family may be small but it is strong and it is all I need to stay strong as I repair myself.
I am going to list 10 main points that I can take out of this.
1. Never, EVER give up
2. Don't ever look at things and punish yourself. Look at things and Grow yourself.
3. Never be a pushover it gets you nowhere.
4. Follow your dreams and when you finish those, dream more!
5. Nothing is to big for God.
6. Do not believe what anybody says about someone, sit down and talk to the person yourself.
7. Remember when you point your finger there is four pointing back.
8. Smile, even when you aren't smiling inside.
9. Don't waste a minute not being happy. If one window closes, run to the next window - or break down a door.
10. Love the ones who love you, never push them away because you are afraid.
I hope in that everything that is written here, somebody will take something out of this.
Fight till the end and do not punish yourself, what's done is done! I love you guys xoxo